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. : About Me : . 
-Hi, I'm Stella.-I'm a Pisces. -I'm a March Baby. -I like laughing. -I'm OK being alone, but being with friends is definitely much better. -Most friends like to call me LaLa but I'm not a Teletubbie.
. : My Quote : . I like the way I am. But changes have to be made and sacrifices have to die..
. : FootPrints : .
. : Emergency Exits : . Sheepie Dreamer Snow JiaJin 3e2(08) 4e2(09) VirUS Elaine
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. : Music Box : . |
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Monday, May 30, 2016 Woke up early this morning.. It's Monday.. Time to go back to work.. Yes, was living like a sloth for 3 days in Malaysia followed by the weekends. Well, morning seems to go pretty well at work till I came back from lunch.. Found out that I did not check the expiry date of the kueh lapis that I helped my colleague to buy at Malaysia. Next, was asking my colleague a lot of stupid questions on the task that she has given to me. Super UNPRODUCTIVE. Sometimes, I ask myself if I'm not pushing myself enough or am I pushing myself too hard that I've reached my breaking point? I guess if I'm still sane, it should be the first option. Haha! Be positive! Anyway, I have to stop telling myself that changing job means running away from reality and responsibilities. It is true that not every job fits everyone. I'm just abit scared that my next job still isn't the right fit. Well, I'll never know if I've never been there. So JIAYOU! Be BRAVE! Go home and do up your resume and start sending it out!
Cheers to all the lost souls out there that are going through what I'm going through!!
reca @ 7:17 PM
"Leaps and Bounces" She used it.. I almost wanted to say to her, "I'm sorry, I can only go step by step".. So what if I can't leap and bounce? I have a totally different personality. We both can't speak? Yeah! In a very DIFFERENT WAY! His was just due to language! It's very DIFFERENT! Fine! I shall not be demoralized! She can say all she like but deep down inside, I know what is wrong.. For a girl that doesn't even have the courage to raise her hand in class to ask the teacher questions when she doesn't understands what was just being thought, it's a LEAP already. I'm always being hand-held because I want to be hand-held.. I know I'm afraid of making mistakes at work and wants someone to always be there to guide me along.. I think it's because of this, I became unable to think on my own two feet. He has been out by himself for quite awhile I believe, all of them were.. I guess that's why.. They weren't afraid of making mistakes. Whereas, I on the other hand, has always been afraid.. Afraid to make mistakes at school as the teacher might scold. Afraid to do my presentation slide wrongly and the lecturer would mock/scold. Lacking of self-confidence.. I have to learn to be not afraid of making mistakes and picking myself up after.. Jiayou! Jiayou! JIAYOU! Rofl.. reca @ 6:54 AM
Can someone please tell me how can I get some proper sleep? Meditating before sleep? I couldn't commit myself to it.. HAHA! Breathing through my left nostril while lying on the left side? My left nostrils always gets blocked.. I think rather then being relaxed, I'll feel suffocated! HAHA!! I think I should stop watching shows before sleeping.. I have been watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! LOL!! The funny parts makes me happy.. Well, had a few dreams last night.. First was eating Cantonese Porridge with Sheepie.. Before we could start eating, Pokemon suddenly appeared! Last thing about this dream was Charlizard's shocked face.. I was then woken up by the china handphone due to low battery.. I switched off the phone and almost couldn't get back to sleep! It was going to 4am... I kept thinking of the Cantonese Porridge that I didn't get to eat because of Pokemon.. And then, I realised.. I realised how expensive the Cantonese Porridge was!! Both me and Sheepie paid $6 for each of our share!! What kind of Cantonese Porridge was that?!! Anyway, I manage to go back to sleep. This time, I dreamt of paying an ex-friend's family a visit.. Well, I was asking them how were they and all.. I asked about my ex-friend as she wasn't home.. I guess I decided to appear there when she wasn't around.. LOL.. Anyway, she soon came home with that guy.. So, I've decided to leave. Suddenly, I was taking the stairs down from the MRT platform.. Trust me, I have no idea how I appeared at the MRT since my house was a block away.. But I guess it was one of the safest place to be when being stalked! The guy was chasing after me and suspected to be finding a chance to whack me up! I managed to lose him as he was kinda very dumb in my dream.. ROFL.. I was still at the MRT station with my heart ponding rather fast.. And I woke up.. I have no idea what time was it.. I just tried to calm my heart down and fell back to sleep.. This time, I appeared at ex-friend's house again.. Her sister was showing me some cute stuffs in the room and she suddenly came in and her sister left the room.. I couldn't remember what we talked about, but not long after, her sister came back in to tell her that they have guest! I was about to leave and in came her uncle with a weird looking cake with a lit candle.. So I stood in a corner where the fan is blowing directly at me. She stood beside me to make space for people to come into the room. Her uncle passed me the cake and the fire on the candle gt distinguished due to the fan. LOL.. Her uncle sang the birthday song and pretend to blow the candle with her.. I was quite funny.. She whispered to me saying that she can't believe that I can be this fake. I whispered back that everyone believed in my sincerity except her. She smiled at me and I smiled back. Like as though she finally believed in my sincerity. Next, we did hand signs.. Quite funny.. She signaled me to stay. And I signaled back that I should get going.. We signaled bye and I left the room with a smile.. Was rather happy.. HAHAHA!! Next, my alarm clock rang.. Now when I think back, I feel kind of afraid that she is faking to befriend again just to get her revenge.. Oh well, I'm sure that I wouldn't be appearing at her house uninvite for sure! Oh ya!! I remembered my dad appeared somewhere in my dreams too.. But I couldn't remember where... ROFL! reca @ 7:30 AM
I know.. It's been a SUPER long time since I last blogged. It seemed as though everytime I decided to blog again it is when something isn't good that's happening to me.. I've graduated from polytechnic a year after my last post.. Life is going on, but not as good as what I thought it would be. How I missed school, classmates and teachers/lecturers.. Well, this is part of growing up I guess.. Back then, when my final exams were near, I was like a lost soul (till now I believe I'm still lost). I didn't know what was my future, didn't know what I want to work as. I just kept one thing in mind, and that is to pass my final exams. Well, I did it!! Congratulations to me! YAY!! LOL.. Fine.. After graduating, it's time I get a job. I didn't know what to work as so, i tried going to the Popular Book Store to see if I could get a vacancy. Yeah, I know.. Retail ain't easy work as well. But it seems easier than anything other thing back then. They wanted me to go to the branch at Bras Basah and I wasn't keen on it.. Nevermind.. Swee Ling's cousin is working at a recruitment agency, so she said I could email my resume to her. And so I did.. 1st job she recommended was admin job at Suntec. I was rather excited but i guess I wasn't shortlisted for interview. 2nd time she called, I remember I was at the cremation center where my grandmother was being cremated. She asked me what kind of job am I looking for. I told her I have no preference, so she asked if I would like to join her in recruitment. Well, I didn't think much. So I said fine (I was a lost soul anyway). No harm trying out anything that doesn't get me killed! LOL.. It's been more than half a year since I joined this company. I like the people there, but apparently, I don't think I'm coping well with work. THE HORRIBLE FEELING! I couldn't sleep well at night and I feel troubled all day at work.. The sucky view of life came.. You have no idea how well their memories are.. And it is something I've always lack of.. I don't know how long I can go on and how far I can go.. I've kept encouraging myself by imagining myself doing well at work, but I get all upset when it's obviously not happening at work.. JIAYOU!! reca @ 7:43 AM
I wonder how he reacted back then when he knows that my elder siblings are dating.. One thing I could only say now is "AGRESSIVE".. Really disappointed at the way he reacted just now. Yes, he knows that he has made me upset. Why did he react this way? Is it because he feel at lost? Or is it because he feels that 'HE' isn't good? Or maybe it's because my studies isn't as good as my elder siblings so I cannot start dating? I really have no idea.. Anyway, the main thing is that he have ruined my mood to do my presentation slides for my Final Presentation which is 2 days later... reca @ 7:12 PM
No P.E lessons.. No Exercise.. For the past 2 years was just, eat.. Eat.. AND EAT!!! Gained alot of weight.. Lost alot of stamina.. Last month, I've found my NAPFA certificates.. Primary 5, Gold.. Primary 6, Silver.. Secondary 3, Bronze.. And now.. Poly Year 3 is a FAIL.. HAHAHAAA!! Oh well, muscles isn't used to all these anymore. I think I strained my muscle after the first attemp for standing board jump.. Hahaa.. I totally miss secondary school.. Where I get to run around in school during CCAs, especially during camps.. Carry my instruments up and down the stairs during practices for school performances.. Had to run 2.4km during EVERY P.E lessons before my NAPFA test.. 20 incline-pull ups used to be a piece of cake.. Yesterday, I had to struggle my way up after 10.. Hahaha!! Well, at least I've done 18.. =D More joggings during the weekends!!! ROFL!! reca @ 8:21 AM
Felt as though I'm losing motivation slowly everytime when I'm in school.. And during the weekends, the motivation comes back slowly.. However, I'm losing more motivation than gaining because there's FIVE weekdays and only TWO weekends.. I don't get good sleep.. I don't feel as happy as before.. The feeling of crying comes easily.. AND THAT IS BAD!! How I wish SweeLing is around to motivate me.. Hahaa.. But I still have to be independent someway or the other. Can't always rely on people around me.. JIAYOU! JIAYOU!! JIAYOU!!! rofl... reca @ 8:23 AM
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